so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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