Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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