I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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