Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
