i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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