They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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