So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you never un-have a 4some
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
