i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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