it's not cheating when I paid for it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
