Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
