His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
