is your mom at the bar?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
