If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
