He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Randomize
