Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Floor bacon is actually really good
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
