Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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