i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
