Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
