dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
