i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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