well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
