it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
