the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
