clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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