Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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