Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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