the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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