Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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