meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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