New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
