woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
