I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
