yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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