My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
someone owes me an orgasm
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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