my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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