How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
