I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
