It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize