I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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