i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
