It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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