Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize