I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
