Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
