Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
