The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
