i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
