Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm always down for nudity.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
