I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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