I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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