I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
