Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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