I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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