Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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