Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you traded sex for a burrito?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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