if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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