I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Did we literally take a cab across the street
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
