Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
