His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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