I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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