no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
