The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
