I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
