My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
