So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I need moral support for this bender
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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