I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
