I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
