I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
