Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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