I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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