I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
