I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
