I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
