we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
