We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
