I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
