I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
