Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
