whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
