Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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