so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
