she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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