Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
