In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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