I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize