She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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