I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
