The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
