PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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