i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
