He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
