Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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