It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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