he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
