Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
