Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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