I smell stomach acid.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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