There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
