she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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