Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
